When I was in grade four I was in the school choir and performed at school talent shows. I think I started piano lessons around the same time. I wanted to learn how to play drums but my Mother made me take piano instead. Looking back I don't blame her. My tinkling of the ivories was noisy enough, probably a little jarring on the nerves but not as much as drums would have been. Mind you, my brother took trumpet in school but he'd practice in the basement. I struggled with getting from the music printed in front of me to come out of my fingertips and copy itself on the keyboard. There was just too much of a disconnect for me to really get it. I took classical music for years, finally got fed up and asked to take more modern music instead. I did that for one year and during that time all we did was Christmas carols so I gave it up after that. I just couldn't really grasp it and it was too much of a struggle to be enjoyable. I particularly hated piano recitals because even if I could play it perfectly at home, I would get totally stressed out if I had to play in front of an audience. It was like I'd black out because I can't even remember if I got through them with or without making mistakes. I was just glad it was over...until the next one. I think it was mandatory to do recitals to move up to the next grade in classical music.

It did teach me some things about how to read music. It made it easier to learn how to sing the songs for choir. I'd even help others learn the notes and harmonies. I continued doing the school choir from grade four until the end of high school. With that came the school trips to other cities in Canada and the U.S. We also got to perform in Toronto at Roy Thompson Hall a couple times and all over the city at other schools. Also during that time I did school plays and musicals, either as a lead or in the chorus, even one production doing stuff in the background with the lights and music. We were even approached by the CBC for our drama students to be extras in a tv movie. It was a very long, very boring day that went late into the night so they had to pay us some meager amount and feed us some pizza. It was very handy that we were filming at a pizza place. Still not really enough to fill our bellies. Needless to say, after all that, my brief movie appearance ended up on the cutting room floor.

For as long as I could remember, I had always thought that I would have been an actress. My Mom even had me in a Saturday morning theatre school at Factory Theatre Lab. I believe it was called that though I may be wrong about the name. I remember having breakfasts at McDonald's and always getting pancakes and sausage but the syrup could never touch my meat LOL. After high school I soon found out that you had to have money for an agent and a portfolio and do auditions. I was fine in a choir or playing a character on stage with my fellow performers. I was not fine performing solo in any way. It took me back to my piano recital days so I quickly gave up my dream of becoming an actress. It was so different from my experiences in school with my fellow classmates, people that I already knew, teachers that would always accept me for the roles. I could not handle rejection, I was not emotionally strong enough to take it. I was just too fragile.

In hindsight I'm glad I wasn't a “struggling artist”. I much preferred getting a regular paycheck in something I was also good at doing and still do to this day. I'm not even creative enough to do anything original, just good at copying and evoking emotions. I could not imagine having people in your face 24/7 wanting to know every little thing about your personal life, whether it be true or fabricated. I prefer having my quiet, peaceful life over being in the public eye...assuming I would have even succeeded to get to that point.